Because I’m A Man

Because I’m a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling NRMA is not an option… I WILL win.

Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well,
I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say
to the other, ‘I used to be able to fix these things, but now
with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know
where to start.’ We will then drink a couple of beers and
break wind, as a form of holy communion.

Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me tenderly while I lie in bed
and moan. You’re a woman. You never get as sick as I do.
So, for you, this is no problem.

Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find things like exotic cheeses or tofu. For all
I know, they are the same thing.

Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it…. Though
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator…..

Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,
sex, sports, or sex. I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don’t ask.

Because I’m a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she
calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever
you got her for Mother’s Day is okay; I don’t need to see it.
And don’t forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t.
And, if you’re feeling amorous afterwards, then I will certainly
remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine.
I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too… either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it.
Everything looks fine.Your hair is fine.You look fine.
Can we just go now?

Because I’m a man, and this is, after all, the year 2011, I
will share equally in the housework.You just do the laundry,
the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,
and I’ll do the rest…. like wandering around in the garden
with a beer in my hand, wondering what to do.

14 Responses to “Because I’m A Man”

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  1. Steve says:

    Because I’m a man I must look busy. So I’ll type in a comment so my wife thinks I’m busy with something important and not bother me. Whew! That was close!

    Have a great day. BTW, I turned down the invite to the Royal wedding. Oprah was miffed that I got the invite.

  2. Comedy Plus says:

    Twitter ID:

    This is hubbies one for sure. Every. Single. Time. Every. Single Time. Because Iโ€™m a man, when one of our appliances stops
    working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
    this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person
    gets here and has to put it back together.

    I love them all and my first husband fit all these to a tee.

    Have a terrific day. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Twitter ID:

    Because I’m a man I can do anything which others can’t do especially the girls….. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. AVCr8teur says:

    Twitter ID:

    Wow, you got all the points correct. Haha, have a great day!

  5. Twitter ID:

    It’s sad to say that I know a couple of men like this, hang on! Aren’t all men like this ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. says:

    Twitter ID:

    thank God I am a Man! LOL!

  7. dido says:

    i could find my men in each of those

    i can find my beloved man max in all of those!
    ๐Ÿ™‚ i love him with all of that!

  8. Russ says:

    Twitter ID:

    As a man I will stare at the young women on TV and out and about. But when it is time to eat or sleep I will be very attentive at home.

  9. Don E. Chute says:

    Twitter ID:

    B2, this post is priceless! I would submit it to some blogging award for you but, because I’m a Man, I’ll let one of the ladies do it.

    B2, because I’m a Man, I’m telling you you can have the rest of the week off!

    happy trails bro…

  10. Twitter ID:

    I wont admit to anything…unless I have to! So much of those ring a loud bell…I wish I could stop taking things apart it always ends in me wishing I never and causing me grief!

  11. Greg says:

    I’d tell you what I’m thinking, but because I’m a man you already know. Good one Steve!

  12. Zach (Fledgling Blogger) says:

    Twitter ID:

    This post simply speaks the truth! LOL

    By the way, I made a special mention to you in my latest blog post, Steve. Thanks a lot for updating my blog URL in your links page. ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. Lainy says:

    You men! This post holds true to most of you. When will you ever change- for the better? LOL!

  14. Art of RetroCollage says:

    Twitter ID:

    My wife’s first husband was just like this. That is why I’m her husband now!