A few quick ones with an Irish flavour
Paddy says, “Im thinking of divorcing the wife… she hasnt spoken to me in 4 months.” Mick replies, “You best think it over very carefully Pat, women like that are fuckin’ hard to find.”
Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.
After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says
“I wonder how the girls are getting on”.
Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says
“You know what I want, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” says Paddy. “The whole feckin’ bed by the looks of it!”
Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair.
He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.
A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said
“I don’t think that’s her, she wasn’t that tall!”
Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours’ dog is barking like mad in the garden.
Paddy says “To hell with this!” and storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks “What did you do?”
Paddy replies “I’ve put the dog in our garden. Let’s see how they like it!”
Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.
“Be Jeysus!” he said, “I didn’t even know they had mobile phones!”