Marriage Humour

Sarcasm

Wife: ‘What are you doing?’
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: ‘Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.’
Husband: ‘I was looking for the expiry date.’

Wife : ‘Do you want dinner?’
Husband: ‘Sure! What are my choices?’
Wife: ‘Yes or no.’

Wife: ‘You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?’
Hubby: ‘When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.’
Wife: ‘You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?’
Hubby: ‘Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?’

Stress reliever

Girl: ‘When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.’
Boy: ‘It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.’
Girl: ‘Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.’

Son: ‘Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.’
Mom: ‘Well, you have done the right thing..’
Son: ‘But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.’

A newly married man asked his wife, ‘Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?’
‘Honey,’ the woman replied sweetly, ‘I’d have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!’

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.
The guy replies: ‘Thanks for the early warning.’

A wife asked her husband: ‘What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?’
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: ‘I like your sense of humour!’

Shock! 😯

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan.
‘What was that for?’ the man asked.
The wife replied ‘That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket’.
The man then said ‘When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on’
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied. ‘Your horse phoned’

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11 Responses to “Marriage Humour”

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  1. Comedy Plus
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    These really don’t make the male gender look all that good. Just saying. They are funny though.

    Have a terrific day. 🙂
    Comedy Plus also recently posted..The Old LadyMy Profile

  2. Mike
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    That in the graphic was a conversation Winston Churchill had with a society lady. He followed it up with, “In the morning, I’ll be sober, and you’ll still be ugly.”
    The jokes were funny too.
    Mike also recently posted..The End Is Always JustifiedMy Profile

  3. Chinmay
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    Delicious ones!
    Chinmay also recently posted..The Cartoon Conspiracy And Merciless Mamata!My Profile

  4. Sid says:

    lol nice ones
    Sid also recently posted..Earn Money from Private Game ServersMy Profile

  5. Don E. Chute
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    says:

    I WAS MARRIED ONCE…
    Don E. Chute also recently posted..CINCO DE MAYO 2012My Profile

  6. Joyce
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    I like the last one the best.
    Joyce also recently posted..#GBE2: StrangerMy Profile

  7. Shane says:

    Nice ones I love it!