Medical Records Extracts

Humorous extracts from Indian hospital records

Idiot1. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only 11 kgs weight gain in the past three days.

5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22. The patient refused autopsy.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

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4 Responses to “Medical Records Extracts”

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  1. Comedy Plus says:

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    Good grief. This is enough to scare you to pieces.

    Have a terrific day Steve. 🙂

    Comedy Plus recently posted..Silly SaturdayMy Profile

  2. Joyce says:

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    These are good. Thanks for sharing.

    Joyce recently posted..My Doctor’s AppointmentMy Profile

  3. Rosey says:

    LOL at #26!

  4. Twitter ID:

    OMG, this is so funny, it took for ever to read because I had to re-read practically all of them out-loud to hubby.

    Rhonda@Laugh-Quotes recently posted..What Did He Say? SCUBA Diving in BonaireMy Profile