Saturday Tittertasticness

My postman keeps stopping by to tell me jokes. To be honest, his delivery is awful.

Boss: “This is the fifth time you’ve been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?”
Me: “That it’s Friday?”

I applied for a job as a blacksmith recently. The chap asked: “Have you ever shoed a horse?”
I said: “No, but once I told a donkey to bugger off.”

I got sacked from my job at the fishing bait factory for causing trouble. It seems I opened a can of worms.

I had a terrible round of golf today. The only two good balls I hit were when I stepped on a rake in a bunker.

A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that’s the last thing I need.

Just how hairy was the bloke who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?

PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel.
OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel.
REALIST: A train.
TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.

I’ve just pulled up on my driveway to see some thieving lowlife leg it and jump over my back fence. I think the prat was after my bike.
My wife must have put up a good fight though because she’s lost most of her clothes, is drenched in sweat and can hardly walk. 😯

8 Responses to “Saturday Tittertasticness”

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  1. Rhonda Albom says:

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    Thanks for the laughs. I haven’t heard a couple of those.

  2. Comedy Plus says:

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    They are all good, but that last one is the best. He’s a blonde isn’t he.

    Have a tittertastic Saturday, Steve. 🙂

    Comedy Plus recently posted..Feline FridayMy Profile

  3. Good morning, oops good afternoon Steveo. It looks like its going to be a very dull day with no sun again. How is it in London?
    I loved the jokes especially this one
    ” I had a terrible round of golf today. The only two good balls I hit were when I stepped on a rake in a bunker. ” Believe it or not I did have this happen to me once when I was golfing but there were three balls that were hurt. You know what and the golf ball but all 3 were OK.
    See ya my friend.

    Cruisin Paul

  4. mimi says:

    Someone told me that, due to budget constraints, the light at the end of the tunnel had been turned off!

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