Saturday Tittertasticness

My postman keeps stopping by to tell me jokes. To be honest, his delivery is awful.

Boss: “This is the fifth time you’ve been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?”
Me: “That it’s Friday?”

I applied for a job as a blacksmith recently. The chap asked: “Have you ever shoed a horse?”
I said: “No, but once I told a donkey to bugger off.”

I got sacked from my job at the fishing bait factory for causing trouble. It seems I opened a can of worms.

I had a terrible round of golf today. The only two good balls I hit were when I stepped on a rake in a bunker.

A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that’s the last thing I need.

Just how hairy was the bloke who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?

PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel.
OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel.
REALIST: A train.
TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.

I’ve just pulled up on my driveway to see some thieving lowlife leg it and jump over my back fence. I think the prat was after my bike.
My wife must have put up a good fight though because she’s lost most of her clothes, is drenched in sweat and can hardly walk. 😯


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8 Responses to “Saturday Tittertasticness”

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  1. mimi says:

    Someone told me that, due to budget constraints, the light at the end of the tunnel had been turned off!
    mimi also recently posted..A Thankfulness ListMy Profile

  2. Good morning, oops good afternoon Steveo. It looks like its going to be a very dull day with no sun again. How is it in London?
    I loved the jokes especially this one
    ” I had a terrible round of golf today. The only two good balls I hit were when I stepped on a rake in a bunker. ” Believe it or not I did have this happen to me once when I was golfing but there were three balls that were hurt. You know what and the golf ball but all 3 were OK.
    See ya my friend.

    Cruisin Paul

  3. Comedy Plus
    Twitter ID:
    says:

    They are all good, but that last one is the best. He’s a blonde isn’t he.

    Have a tittertastic Saturday, Steve. 🙂
    Comedy Plus also recently posted..Feline FridayMy Profile

  4. Rhonda Albom
    Twitter ID:
    says:

    Thanks for the laughs. I haven’t heard a couple of those.