Simple Truths

laugh3SIMPLE TRUTH 1:
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.

Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you’re screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2:
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, “Congrats”.
But, none of them touch the man’s penis and say, “Good job”.

Moral of the story:
Hard work is never appreciated.

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole’s name.

3. If you help someone when they’re in trouble, they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

[box style=”blue”]Bonus: Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex.
Especially if the woman’s husband catches you. :mrgreen:[/box]

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10 Responses to “Simple Truths”

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  1. Comedy Plus
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    Bwahahahahahaha. I love them all. So very true too.

    Have a fantastic day Steve. 🙂
    Comedy Plus also recently posted..Seymour #7My Profile

  2. Petro Neagu
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    says:

    It’s so funny…cause it’s true 🙂

    xoxo

  3. Joyce
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    says:

    Simple but true. Thanks for the laugh.
    Joyce also recently posted..Back From The FutureMy Profile

  4. Rhonda@Laugh-Quotes
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    says:

    Great collection of “truths.” I think my favorite is simple truth #2, although they are all pretty funny.
    Rhonda@Laugh-Quotes also recently posted..Homeschool vs Private School – A Quick Review of our First Month in the SystemMy Profile

  5. Ian@UnofficialChartBlog
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    They all are so true LOL