The Supermarket Letter

AND THE RETIRED HUSBAND

After the husband retired, his wife insisted that he accompany her on her trips to Tesco. Unfortunately, like most men, he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, his wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

Yesterday his dear wife received the following letter from the local Tesco store:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of Maltesers on Hire purchase. .

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ a psychiatric team were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.


Personally I thought he had a great sense of humour….
:shock:Have a great weekend 😯

Tweet about this on TwitterShare on FacebookShare on Google+Share on LinkedInPin on Pinterest

11 Responses to “The Supermarket Letter”

Read below or add a comment...

  1. Comedy Plus
    Twitter ID:
    says:

    Oh I love this one. I’d live him home though. Just saying.

    Have a terrific day. 🙂
    Comedy Plus also recently posted..Bridgeport – Part IIIMy Profile

  2. Comedy Plus
    Twitter ID:
    says:

    I meant to say that I would LEAVE him home. 🙂
    Comedy Plus also recently posted..This Week in EntrecardMy Profile

  3. Zach
    Twitter ID:
    says:

    Hahaha! This made my weekend! 🙂
    Zach also recently posted..June Zach @ 27My Profile

  4. Russ
    Twitter ID:
    says:

    That one is a classic. I just love it.
    Russ also recently posted..Weekend Linky LoveMy Profile

  5. Mike
    Twitter ID:
    says:

    You might just consider this a joke, however, I think it should be used as a primer to every husband dragged along on a shopping trip while the game is on TV. Thanks for the laugh today

  6. Rhonda@Laugh-Quotes
    Twitter ID:
    says:

    LOL – I have seen this before although different. It it just as funny to read again. Thanks for the laughs today.
    Rhonda@Laugh-Quotes also recently posted..Winter Snow: True and FalseMy Profile

  7. AVCr8teur
    Twitter ID:
    says:

    Wow, it took that many incidents to get him banned?! 😀

  8. Don E. Chute
    Twitter ID:
    says:

    This is one of the classics, that you can read over and over again and it’s still funnyfunnyfunny:-)

    Aloha!

  9. Dorothy says:

    Ha!

    I must never ever EVER let my children see this. The husband, I’m not worried about, the kids, though, they would use this as a step-by-step guide to get out of shopping with me.

  10. Art of RetroCollage
    Twitter ID:
    says:

    I think the husband really doesn’t want to do the shopping.
    Art of RetroCollage also recently posted..Soap Bubble Theater: the Drama of CollageMy Profile

  11. Russell Davison
    Twitter ID:
    says:

    I’ll be visiting the hypermarket with Mrs. management on Friday and I’ll be thinking of this joke during the 90 minutes. My only vice is to pick up items in one section (say, an auto air filter) and to leave it in the cornflakes section, because it’s too far to walk back when I realise that it’s the wrong model number.
    Russell Davison also recently posted..Energy pricesMy Profile