1. Just watched a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting.
2. I used to have a problem where I couldn’t stop naming classic American sitcoms, but I’m over it now. Happy Days.
3. My wife’s working in a bowling alley. Ten pin? No, permanent.
4. Police just caught a man stealing 50 helium balloons. They had to let him go.
5. How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese? Caerphilly.
6. Jokes about opticians just get cornea and cornea.
7. A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
8. I was walking the dogs the other day when all of a sudden they vanished into thin air. Not sure where they went, but I’ve got some leads.
9. Did you know that owls can’t breed in the rain? It’s too wet to woo.
10. When my wife told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo, I decided to put my foot down
11. Dad: I’ve just been diagnosed with Tom Jones syndrome. Mum: Is it common? Dad: It’s Not Unusual
12. My wife asked me if I could please stop singing ‘Wonderwall’. I said maybe